Episode 20

April 2022 Horoscopes: Are You Excited?

Published on: 15th April, 2022


Susan Miller has a lot of exciting things to share with Aries, but unfortunately this month’s horoscopes were published even later than usual. Laura and Alex waste no time (unlike some people…) getting into their thoughts on the late posting, Susan’s excuses, and wondering what might have happened over at Astrology Zone HQ to lead to such chaos. As always, Susan believes that quantity can excuse her lateness, so the gals have a lot of material to dissect, including appearances from Susan Miller Epidemiologist, Trend Forecaster, Oracle, and Tech Entrepreneur. 

After a thorough discussion of the Note, which includes updates on the Year Ahead 2022 and Susan’s newest app, the gals talk about the month ahead for Aries. Laura explains how this lucky sign is basically living in Bridgerton IRL and is the homecoming queen/Celine Dion of the zodiac in April. Alex then tells about Scorpio’s exciting (and lengthy) forecast, which includes a meeting of planets that will occur only once in our lifetime. Laura ends the episode by informing us of the artistic movement that awaits the world in 2023, which, excitingly, Susan predicts that Laura and her fellow Taureans will spearhead. 

Laura and Alex discuss the following at these timestamps: 

Note from Susan Miller: 5:20

Aries: 16:36

Scorpio: 26:02

Taurus: 36:23

Share your own thoughts on Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone with us by emailing astrologyzoned@gmail.com.



​​Laura: Well, hello, Alex!

Alex: Hi, Laura, how's it going?

Laura: Well, you know it is just so great to be talking to you on… what's the date? April 9th? Hmmm.

Alex: April 9th, and we are not late.

Laura: We are not late, but you know who was late? I bet everybody can guess! It was Susan Miller. Wow.

Alex: So, this month, and we thought she was very late last month. But she outdid herself this month.

Laura: Yes, way to overachieve, Susan. She exceeded expectations, and, like, underdelivered at the same time. Like a way to go.

Alex: That's true, she has a very strange thing going on here where she was able to do both. So, she posted on the 7th? The 6th?

Laura: She posted late night on the 6th. I saw that it went up on her website, but I could not get it on my app until April 7th. So that's when it was. And I will say, like, was so, and I know that we usually like we like it when she's like a day or two late, but it was a full week late, and also we knew there was a new moon April 1st, so it felt like we were really all just hung out to dry. And then my other favorite part is that she kept putting social media updates telling us like who she's writing, which signs she's writing, and of course, none of us know what that means, how many are left, and how it's going to be a must read, and all this hype about it. And all of the comments on Twitter and Instagram were like, one of my favorites was somebody said something like: This is going to be more like my three-week horoscope. Or people would be like: Could you just start writing about the first week of next month? Because we're not going to get it until then. Or people were like giving very considered time management tips to her.

Alex: Yes. Which like maybe some of them were sarcastic, but I feel like most of them were really in earnest, like: Susan, maybe if you start a little earlier, you can get the horoscope to us closer to the first of the month. Like, I think Susan understands the basic principles of time management. I think she's just not interested. Yeah.

were there so many months in:

Alex: Or Courtney was really staying on her.

Laura: So, something.

Alex: I mean, Scorpio this month is really long.

Laura: Yes, and she did say in her Note that it was 40,000 words, so I mean, you know what? And then every time I get mad about how they're so long and she's taking so long, then I feel ashamed because I’m like, I have yet to write a 40,000 word anything in one month.

Alex: Yes, I understand that. I also then think, this is free.

Laura: And I won’t even write 40,000 words a month for money. Now I really don't know where I fall on this.

Alex: There were a lot of people on social media, too, saying that they'd been reading Susan for years and now we're canceling their subscriptions. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant.

Laura: I was reading some of those too, and I think what they meant was like, she keeps talking about the app, like, get the app right? Because the daily things are longer when you pay for the app and people were saying that it wasn't worth it because they weren't getting the monthly thing any earlier or on time. And they didn’t think that they didn't think the daily longer horoscopes were worth the subscription fee, and then also think they were mad so they wanted to in some way punish her or something. But you and I have said before, if she could promise that the monthly would be on time if you subscribe to the app, then I think a lot more of us will pay for it.

Alex: I think so, too. Yeah, there were a lot of people encouraging her to start charging for the monthly. Because I think they thought that might keep her on track.

Laura: Oh, it's a money issue, she's not earning money for it so it's gonna be late, and I was like again y'all, I was like, if Susan Miller can't write 40,000 words on time for no money, even though she has like the soul to pour into it to make 40,000 words, and I can't write 40,000 words for money, I don't think these are the issues.

Alex: I don't either. She tells us in her Note that she started to write on March 17th, and was writing up until they posted on April 6th, like that was some kind of reason or, like, that justified why she was late, but to me, starting on March 17th doesn't mean a lot.

Laura: Well, it doesn't mean that because we don't really have that much context. So, this is her Note from Susan Miller, we're just gonna get into it. And I thought she was saying 17th to let us know that she did start earlier. Like, it's not like she started on March 28th and then wrote other things. She was trying to say: I was writing for like two and a half weeks.

Alex: Okay, well then by that logic she could have started on March 11th and delivered them on April 1st.

Laura: Correct. So, you're right, maybe if she does start earlier. But you know if I were her, and I wrote like 40,000 words, and that came out on April 7th, I would be like, ugh, I don't want to touch this again until April 20th.

Alex: Right, but that’s part of the bad cycle that she’s not interested in correcting.

Laura: Yeah. Yeah. No, something else is going on that helped turn into a timeliness thing last year. But yeah, the coming out of full week late is just I don't know, It just makes me feel depressed. Aand I also don't want to read it because I was like I thought there's no point, I already missed a new moon.

Alex: Same because also on the website, when you went to the website, there's a little bar at the top that's like: Susan is still working on your horoscope, readers. The new moon is delicious, or something like that.

Laura: And I was like, okay.

Alex: But like the new moon was April 1st.

Laura: So yeah, no, we just I missed it. I also got tagged on Facebook. Someone was like, Is Susan Miller ok? Where are these? Laura, do you know? And I felt like really honored that I was like, and I was like we don't know, they're just late. She keeps saying they're coming we don't know why last year she was able to be on time, and then we were then everyone in the comments was chatting about the drama on the comments of all of her social media feeds.

Alex: Wow! People know you're a real Susan connoisseur.

Laura: I know. And I also like that it’s people who I don't really know that like they listen to the horoscopes, so I also feel excited that, like, I’m known as a Susan Miller expert. Like, thank you.

Alex: You are. Well, my friend Laurel texted me and said that she saw on Susan's Twitter that Susan said: April is a must-read. And then she said, here's hoping we get to read it!

Laura: A-plus comment. I like this. If more people, like, leave us comments on like about like once their take on Susan Miller is, I would love to be like: the hot takes from our listeners. Yeah. Oh, yeah, okay, listeners feel free to email us at astrologyzoned@gmail.com if you have any hot takes, you want to hear on the podcast we love. We love your hot takes.

Alex: Exactly. We’ll summarize them in the next episode.

Laura: And maybe we'll also just go into the comments of her social media next time and pick what we thought was the good hot take. Ooh that’s good. Look at me thinking. I’m a thinky thinker.

Alex: I’m looking forward to that segment, Laura.

Laura: Yeah, definitely. Okay, I'm glad we thought of it.

Laura: Yeah. So, she said that it took her from March 17th to April 6th. And then my other favorite part was that if you print it out to all twelve signs, you'd have to use a lot of paper, and I was like: correct. Yes.

Alex: Yes, thank you, Susan.

Laura: And then again she didn’t give anything about her health, but sometimes she does, and then sometimes there's a reason. But she said: I wondered if I had the strength to do all this, explaining to twelve signs as quickly as I could, but I did it. And now I want you to read all the good news I have to share. And then here we go. This is Susan Miller, like, writer. This is her. This is like her writing tip. “When I write to you, I attempt to become you. To look at the world through your eyes, to look back at what you've been through and forward to what it's coming next.” And I was like, oh my God, Susan Miller is, like, she's not a method actor; I think she's a method writer.

Alex: I think she is, as well. She knows how much goes into this and yet still does not start earlier.

Laura: Yeah, well, you know, this also is the ring of like Susan Miller Oracle. Like, it's very draining on her energy to like embody the whole entire zodiac, you know. Maybe that's what takes so long. It reminds of people who do energy healing, and they're like, Oh, I've just gotta…

Alex: Also like how like the planets can be so dramatic, and she's taking in all that energy and trying to become us or whatever.

Laura: And I guess I’d be like, hey, Susan, if you can figure out another way, you don't have to become all of us. We're just looking for a heads up on a few things.

Alex: That’s right. And then in other things that are rather late at this point.

Laura: Oh, that this is my favorite. This is like later than late is late.

she addresses her Year Ahead:

Laura: Right, the Year Ahead calendar for 2022, and I thought it was a typo. I thought she meant She was working on 2023’s. And then I was like No, she means 2022, and I was like wait, how could that not be done yet? And then she reminded us that it's a different version from the Year Ahead that was in the beauty boxes back during the holiday season. And then she says the editors had to cut out all the specific dates, I guess, for the beauty box one. So now this manuscript is three times the size of that beauty box report and gives many specific dates. But you know we're gonna get it half off? It needs to be there times as long, but are we gonna get half off because we can only like

Alex: It should be like when you go into the stationery store now, and they have calendars for 50 percent off.

Laura: Exactly, it's gonna be three times as long but we’ll only be able to do May through this December.

Alex: I know. Also this thing about the length and the quantity. She seems to think that that compensates for the fact that it's late. But I think if you polled like ten Susan Miller readers and asked them if they prefer a shorter horoscope that was on time, all ten of them would say “yes.”

Laura: Yeah. So, I mean I guess I'll like wait to see how much it is, and then if she puts it on sale in September, maybe I’ll buy it.

Alex: So you can have the year ahead for October, November, and December.

Laura: No, I want just Q4. I just want Q4. That's all.

Alex: Well, then, you should get the Q4 special price.

Laura: Yeah, I’m waiting for the Q4 special price.

Alex: So yeah, so she says she finished writing it, and then promptly said that her art director is working on it now. So, I hope that our director is feeling the pressure.

d an app in the app store was:

Alex: Maybe. But everything she says about it, the way she describes it in the Note, tracks with what she told us. Like, it's another, it's, like, enhancing what you have now.

Laura: And it's not the same thing as the horoscopes. It's like something else, so like, when so when she finally announces what it is, and then we'll be able to go back and look through our notes to be like, ooh, does it match up with what she told us?

Alex: And she also says: having my new app will lower your stress.

Laura: Oh, I didn't know that.

Alex: Because it's going to banish much frustration by choosing the right day to schedule your most important meetings, events, first dates, and other key initiations.

Laura: Wow!

Alex: Promising a lot.

Laura: I bet you that one's going to be a paid app.

Alex: I think you're right.

Laura: I think that's gonna be a paid app. But anyway, we'll see when she releases it. I don't know. I mean, again, the Susan Miller Tech Entrepreneur is also dicey, because, like we know, her website seems to take forever to update when it essentially could be run on Blogger, Blogspot. There seems to be multiple tech hurdles to things that don't need to have multiple tech kernels. But you know what? Susan Miller has been around on the internet since the internet was invented. She's going to do it her way and her way might just take longer, and that is actually the lesson of our time.

Alex: That's a lesson of our time. That’s our main takeaway.

Laura: She’s gonna do it her way and her way is gonna take longer.

Alex: Yeah, exactly. And I mean, okay, we jumped right to airing our grievances, but she did in the beginning of the Note address some astrology.

Laura: Right, right, I forgot about that, yeah.

Alex: So, she talks about April being so great, and she says if you don't read any of my other horoscopes for the rest of the year, just read April because it's so amazing. I'm so excited to tell you about it. Just like so many good things. A great new moon, which was on the 1st, and we missed it. But then a great full moon. And then this meeting of Neptune and Jupiter and Pisces. On April 12th comes up a lot in both of ours. And then, of course, a little reminder: Merc retro.

Laura: Merc retro is coming for you.

Alex: Coming for you in May.

Laura: In May. May 10th. Just a heads up.

Alex: Yeah, but she does mention that. And to be fair, that's the way she starts off the Note. And then it kind of devolves into

Laura: So right, thank you for the astrology of Susan. I guess that's what we all came here, for but you and I were just hunting for the reason, for an explanation. Where is your doctor's note, Susan? Why were you late to class?

Alex: I was looking for the doctor’s note, and I don't feel that she gave sufficient excuses.

Laura: No. It’s a lot like when she's trying to tell you what sign she's on, you're like, I need more context. Like, I’m writing Pisces, which is number 11 out of 12, you know, like.

Alex: Right.

Laura: Yeah, all right. Should we get into what everybody's really here for, what you waited a whole week to get: the horoscopes. Yes, let's start off with… happy birthday, Aries!

Alex: Happy birthday, Aries. This is your time.

Laura: Yeah, this is your time. Happy birthday. We have a lot of Aries friends, also, which I feel like I think that’s why I'm also annoyed. I feel like it is a rude to make an Aries wait.

Alex: An Aries is not gonna like that. They're just gonna move on and be like, I can find my own horoscope.

Laura: Yeah. and I bet they did. They probably invented a whole new zodiac.

Alex: Exactly. So, you're taking a risk, Susan, by angering these Aries.

… Wait! What is it, April?:

Alex: That's extremely positive.

Laura: Yeah, exactly. And she said you are already getting clues that life is about to change for the better, and that many more good things are on the way. And the first thing she brought up was that this is the Emerald year for Aries, and I remember that she said that before, but I had to go back and Google what it means, and it means that a sign’s Emerald Year is when basically the entire zodiac wheel thinks of that sign as their favorite for the whole twelve months. So, they're kind of like the cosmic homecoming queen, if you will, and because I've just watched Bridgerton season 2, I was like, oh, it's when you're like the queen has picked you as the diamond of the season and you're the most eligible bachelorette. You are the most eligible debutante. That's what an Emerald Year is. So, if you guys have watched Bridgerton, basically you are Daphne Bridgerton in season 1 or you're Edwina Sharma in season 2.

Alex: Can you be named that thing two years in a row?

Laura: You know, I don't know. Well, I don't know because it seems to be like, yeah, I don't know.

Alex: I mean, I say this as a person who has not watched the show, but now I’m intrigued.

Laura: Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, you cannot because you only debut one year, like a debutante has her year, her season. And then like and like that season, the queen is like, oh, you are the best one.

Alex: I see.

Laura: And then and then hopefully you get married that season because if you go two or three seasons without getting engaged, then you are like considered, like, on the shelf. But I don't think it happens with the Emerald Year. Like, I don't know how often you get an Emerald Year. But right now, you're the homecoming queen.

Alex: You are, Aries. This is your time to shine.

Laura: This is to your time.

Alex: This year is full of so many great things, so many opportunities. I mean, great things for career. She said a lot about money.

Laura: Yep. Travel, opportunities in real estate, happiness with family, maybe children, career expansion, financial gains. Ooh and then also: “you will come in contact with many people, expanding your circle. And some of the new, substantial, and distinguished people you meet will remain in your life and become new close friends.” Basically, I think they're in Bridgerton. I don't know, this sounds really good.

Alex: It does sound really good. And Susan’s favortie thing—if you're single you have a chance of meeting your one true love.

Laura: Okay, then they are definitely in Bridgerton. You are on the marriage market as far as a zodiac. Anybody who gets you would be lucky. Wow.

Alex: Yeah, she says, “you are getting ready to step into the floodlights on center stage as the celestial favorite. You are still in the wings, waiting for your orchestra to start, the lights on the audience to dim, and the curtain to rise, so that all eyes will be on you.”


Laura: Okay, so they're still definitely in the wings.

Alex: They're still on the wings right now.

Laura: So, they're not Emerald Year yet. Like, the ring is still waiting.

Alex: Yes, but don't forget: each day you're moving closer to the best period of your life. so there are so many good things.

Laura: Wow!

Alex: She says an entire gaggle of Pisces planets are currently filling your twelfth house, and they will heighten your intuition. That can't be bad.

Laura: No, and then she said you were being given night vision to see what others will fail to see. This is being given to you to protect you and you must listen to your inner voice. Which, first of all, like, I love the night vision because I think of night vision is like those goggles that are like green and black, and it's your Emerald Year, so you Emerald Years is going to help you have super good emerald night vision. So, listen to your inner voice. And I was like, yes, ok.

Alex: She says things about the new moon from April 1st. But should we even bother?

Laura: Maybe, I don’t know. She said Aries was a sign of the entrepreneur, so you might start your own business. I don't know if that happened for you, y'all Aries, but let us know. I'm kind of like whomp whomp on the new moon because yeah.

Alex: I know. And she says an older experience mature, friend or family member will go out of her way to help you in a touching way.

Laura: That’s nice.

Alex: I hope that happened for you, Aries. She says that you might take a trip. It might be an athletic trip where you can work out or go camping, which we have an Aries friend who might be doing that.

Laura: And she did take a trip around the new moon. And, like, definitely, you know, she worked out on that trip.

Alex: Definitely.

Laura: Wow! Okay, so we could get some, like, on the ground info from a real Aries.

Alex: That's right. So, she talks about the new moon a little bit, and she says you might get engaged or married for your birthday, or conversely, if you're unhappy in your relationship, you might decide, like, how to proceed in the relationship.

Laura: Right.

Alex: She says this also might manifest as you might be locating the right person to help you in your work, such as a new lawyer, accountant, agent, manager, business partner, publicist, and so forth.

Laura: Well, that's very lovely. And I also like that she was again, like, nothing's gonna happen till May 10th. So, you should use this time to like prepare, and think about what you want to see happen, so that you can spend your Emerald Year focusing on that. So now is your prep time. You're waiting in the wings, but, like, you should be thinking about what you want to do with that like cosmic goodness.

Alex: Exactly. And then what happens to me every time I read about an eclipse happened this month, where I thought: I need to read more about what happens during eclipses because I don't totally understand.

Laura: You know, she has an article about that that she's reminding us about, and I keep not reading it. So maybe we'll do an episode on that.

Alex: Yeah. Maybe we should. Maybe that would force us to understand what happens. But she says this new moon solar eclipse in Taurus 10 degrees arrives on April 30th, and she has very good things to say about it, for you, Aries. Money.

Laura: Money.

Alex: The money's coming.

Laura: Yeah. She said a change in the source of your income could come up suddenly without any notice. And also, eclipses are super strong, so, like, it could market ending of something but that would be good, and or it could take a few weeks. But, like, money is coming.

Alex: Yeah, it might be surprise money, but it will be a good thing. And then she says that, you know, she always gets to love, and she says romance is not the centerpiece of this month, but that's next month.

Laura: Next month. Right. May will be good for your love life, Aries. She did say something like, if you were if you were saying, “Wait, I want some good news about romance for April. I can give you one wonderful piece of chocolate coming April 30th,” which means that that full moon and the next month will be good for love. But I just like that she was like, I’ll give you a piece of chocolate If you wait.

Alex: I love that. That’s great.

Laura: So, I mean overall very positive. And, I mean, so you're basically, right, you're the homecoming queen, Aries, you're gonna get some chocolate from Susan Miller, you're gonna get some love later in May, you're going to get money later in May, basically everyone wants to be you this year.

Alex: Everyone wants to be you. It’s going to be great. She ends by saying, “Are you excited yet? You should be. I am excited for you.”

Laura: We are also excited, for you, Aries. Wow! Way to go. Happy birthday. Sorry that your horoscope was so late, Aries, but hopefully, that was the only bad thing to happen to you this month.

Alex: Yes, and if this is correct, it's sounds like that will be the only bad thing. So happy birthday.

Laura: Happy birthday. Aries. All right. So, should we talk about Scorpio, Alex?

Alex: Let's talk about Scorpio.

Laura: Okay, what's going on?

Alex: She had a lot to say. The Scorpio forecast was rather long, but I will tell you what's happening. It's all very good. Lots of opportunity. Lots of great things. She starts by talking about the new moon. She says you might begin to work on a project that gives you insight and experience into something so new that most people haven't even heard or read about it, and it might be confidential so you might have to promise secrecy.

Laura: So, like, are Scorpios gonna be, like, getting into NFTs? What’s happening?

Alex: She mentions NFTS later actually!

Laura: No way. I was like, oh my god.

Alex: I just think it's funny, I liked: you might have to promise secrecy. Because Scorpios are great secret keepers so that will not be a problem for them.

Laura: Oh, wow! That will not be a problem. Okay. Well, when they are ready to share the secret, I cannot wait.

Alex: Yes, she also says on the new moon it was a good time to hire someone that would report to you in your personal life like a nanny, au pair, housekeeper, personal assistant gardener, live-in caretaker for one of your parents, you get the idea. That’s what she wrote.

Laura: I do get the idea, thanks.

Alex: Yes, So, she's telling you to kind of like get these things done, because then the next paragraph, unfortunately, is a reminder that you'll need to outrun Mercury retrograde, which is nipping at all of our heels.

Laura: Oh, yikes.

Alex: So, Mercury is apparently a little dog at the moment.

Laura: That scamp! What a scamp!

Alex: What a scamp! So, you know, I got some very kind of common warnings for Merc retro like, you know, buy electronic items beforehand, and that kind of thing. It's possible on the new moon you'll decide to like start in a healthy new chapter where you're eating better or like taking lessons about a new sport. I don't know. But anyway, I feel like I read the new moon stuff, and was like kind of not interested, because.

Laura: That’s fine. We missed it. Fast forward.


That’s kind of far away.

Laura: That's really long.


Laura: Whoa!

Alex: So, I think it's safe to say we will not be living.

Laura: Yeah. Wow. Okay.

Alex: So, this is like a big deal. So, I hope something happens for everyone on this day, because otherwise, like, you've blown it.

Laura: Yeah, sorry. I’m stressed now.

n again to you ever. The year:

Laura: Oh, okay. So Susan Miller Epidemiologist?

Alex: A little bit of epidemiologist, a little bit of just, you know, Susan’s thought generally on the history of pandemics.

Laura: There is some stuff about that in Taurus, as well, so I think that we're gonna we're gonna overlap here.

he says, I feel by the end of:

Laura: Yeah

Alex: And she said they were. So, it was like this thing that she thinks is going to happen was what happened to produce the Roaring Twenties. Then she goes on this tangent about how she was watching “60 Minutes,” a well-known news show on CBS in the US. And that also has an accompanying website.

Laura: Wow. I didn't get the “60 Minutes” tie-in to the Spanish flu. What happened?

Alex: It’s not relevant. It’s that she basically learned that scientists think now that the common cold was actually like at one point much more serious and potentially deadly.

Laura: Oh, it was like a pandemic at some point.

Anyway, I think that by March:

Laura: Well, you heard it. March 2023 when all the other stuff was supposed to happen for Scorpio. Great time, can’t wait.

Alex: Great time. Okay, then, she goes a little bit into the solar eclipse of April 30th in Taurus. She says that this will cover the Scorpio’s partnerships. So, you know, maybe if you're in a relationship you could get engaged, children, all those kinds of things, potentially creative collaboration. Then I thought this was interesting because I feel like she doesn't necessarily like qualify things. But she said, I can't see everything in your unique chart so I can't guarantee a happy outcome, but as a rule, solar eclipses bring fresh opportunities. I just thought that was, like, kind of interesting that she even qualified it a little bit. Like people were saying that she wasn't, like, coming through on her promises. So then, actually she, in the summary, for some reason, she introduces a whole new thing, which is that we might be working on NFTs.

Laura: Oh, wow!

Alex: You were right.

Laura: I was right, and you know, I also just like we were saying this, I had ideas for Susan Miller NFTs. I mean my friend Luke is really into them, and you guys should look at rancidroyals.com. He made some very cute NFTs if that's your jam. One of them is me, but you can't buy it because it's reserved for me. I know. Anyway, that's what happens when you’re friends with an artist. But, I just like, oh, I have ideas for Susan Miller NFTs. If she wants to talk, call me, Susan. Alex: Oh, this could be very exciting

Laura: I’ll tell you and you can keep this a secret, Scorpio.

Alex: Don't worry, I’m great at it. We all are. So yeah, she doesn't say too much more that's very exciting. She just again, Scorpio, I think the thing to keep in mind is that you might have to get some rest or the end of the month. And it's okay to do that. And she suggests, even if you have kids, you should like get a babysitter because you need that time to, like, have a restful weekend where you can like lounge and eat bon bons.

Laura: That's nice.

Alex: Yeah, I mean she didn’t say “bon bons.” I did. But I think that's what she's getting at.

Laura: That's what I would do if I hired a babysitter. Eat some bon bons.

Alex: Right? And then the last thing I will say because I have just really said a lot of things. But again, it was very long, is Cupid and his fleet of angels got a little shout out in my summary. Apparently, they have heard the whisperings of my heart.

Laura: I would love to see the transcription, the transcript, of the whisperings of your heart that were then, like, FedEx-ed to the fleets of Cupids.

Alex: If Susan was in charge, they would be FedEx-ed.

Laura: FedEx. Uh huh.

Alex: absolutely

Laura: Cannot wait.

Alex: So, it's a really, really positive time, Scorpio. She says April is going to be great like for everyone, but I didn't find anything negative in this very lengthy report so enjoy.

e is your horoscope for April:

Alex: She does! She never mentions my house of honors, awards, and achievements.

Laura: She's always talking about honors, awards, and achievements here. Anyway, we've been hosting Mars and Aquarius since March 6th, and that will and that will leave April 14th. So if you have a VIP that you still need to see, it would be important to make that appointment quickly. And she said, “take this seriously because Mars is the planet that teaches you and helps you to compete, urging you to be the best you can be.” So, you have until April 14th to book a VIP, everybody. Get ready. Get going on it. And I was like, did I book a VIP? I don’t even know what VIP to book!

Alex: What does that mean?

Laura: I don't know but I mean, I was like I made a very nice appointment with a folklorist. Maybe that's who I supposed to talk to.

Alex: I think that counts as booking a VIP.

Laura: That counts? Okay, great. I made my booking with my VIP. Ok, Ok, great, All right. Then again, we had more Mercury retrograde warnings. She said, “You have another reason to expand your career of the sense of urgency, because next month Mercury will be retrograde from May 10th to June 3rd. And I was like, that’s my birthday month and that’s just annoying, and things will slow down at the very start of May so it will be best to send in ideas, meet with VIPs, or launch your publicity or advertising campaign without delay. And again, if you need to sign a contract, do it now. You guys should listen to our episode on Mercury retrograde because we give her general thing, but just remind everybody, beauty treatments like are what you should also do, so Alex and I were joking that, like, you want to get your Botox for Passover and Easter. Don't wait. And if any dermatologists that are our listeners, please offer a Passover Botox special, because astrologically, that would work out well for you, we think.

Alex: absolutely. people need to do it now. You can’t take any risks.

Laura: So that's our again our business pro-tip. Okay, so she did touch on the new moon of April 1st, which I wouldn't have known anything about because she was so. late. But anyway, if anybody can remember that time—I can't, it was so far, long ago—she said that you might have had the urge to withdraw and hibernate in the weeks ahead and so that's fine. You should just stay home and you should be making your appointments for your health screenings. Like your routine health screenings like dentists and doctors and stuff. And I was like, ok. I mean, I did actually do that. Make appointments, so I feel like unbeknownst to me, I was doing it right. And then she went into the full moon of April 16th, which was going to be in Libra, and said that will bring a work project to conclusion, and this full moon will also emphasize that you must pay attention to the state of your health, fitness, nutrition, and well-being.

Alex: That's a lot of things.

Laura: I know. I was like: quite a to-do list but if you've already booked all of your health screenings it'll naturally come up.

Alex: So that's true. You’re halfway there.

Laura: Yeah, and you can still book health screenings. There's like no wrong time. It's fine. She said, and then she went back to talk about how on April 12th, Neptune and Jupiter will conjoin, and she said, this only happens every twelve to thirteen years. And Neptune is associated with the arts and with compassion and unconditional love, and Jupiter's the great benefic, which she has used that word before, and I think it just means a good influence. Not sure.

Alex: That seems likely.

Laura: Yeah and she said Jupiter is a planet of good fortune that expands everything it touches. So this is going to be marvelous for encouraging the arts, including painting, sculpture, music, poetry, dance, all kinds of design, and more. And then she said, oh wait, I think I got my notes wrong, but it's the whole thing about how like they won't Neptune and Jupiter will not meet again in Pisces for the rest of our lifetime she was talking about in Scorpio, and she said they were going to meet in the Taurus’s friendship sector. So, this is where she got like real honors and achievement here. She said, “if you are artistic, you may be can work on a project that will unconsciously along with the other artists in the world, begin to weave a new artistic template for our epoch.” Is that how you say that word? I’ve only read it before. Epoch? E-poch?

Alex: I don't know.

Laura: I don’t know. WhateverAnybody feel free to Google it. I’m going to Google it later I’m only ever read that word. I got very excited, because I think every time I read about the Roaring Twenties, or like turn-of-the-century Vienna, or like the 60s, I’m always like, oh, I've never really been like part of like an artistic thing. Like, I mean, I've been an artist my whole life, but I don't think I've ever been, like, I’m usually like two or three years, like I was doing something that would have been great for Instagram, and I gave up on it, and then Instagram launched. I'm always like a little ahead. So, I’m like, but maybe now this time I'll just be in the time. I don't know but I was very excited that maybe now I was going to hit my jam and be like unbeknownst to me, I will be, like, setting the tone for the epoch.

Alex: I think definitely. Exciting stuff.

Laura: Definitely. And then she went into the Spanish flu connection, which she was saying that that Neptune and Jupiter hadn't been like in this since the Spanish flu and that was the time right after the Spanish flu, she was saying that people wanted to, like, cast off all that death and sadness, and they basically were down to boogie, and there was a lot of creativity and celebration, and she said that so like this conjunction will now set a poetic tone just like how that same conjunction set a tone in the Roaring Twenties, so I was like, ooh, that's exciting. And then she said I’m convinced that we are due for a bonanza of happy expression, and it will be coming soon.

Alex: I am really excited for a bonanza of happy expression.

that. But I think actually in:

Alex: I actually would title your book that.

ession. Yeah. Okay. So for my:

Alex: Right exactly.

nanzas of happy expression in:

Alex: That sounds great. Really looking forward to all of that.

Laura: Thank you everybody for coming to my workshop.

Alex: You're very welcome.

Laura: Yeah, thank you so much. Ok, so she said the later half of the month is gonna be super great. There's gonna be a lot of social stuff, and then maybe like one really big fancy event. So like we like dress up or go to dinner or maybe a wedding, and she was like, oh, yeah, it's going to be like something really fancy and special, and I was like, oh ok, I’ll get ready. But then she wanted to bring it back and be like there's a warning for the eclipse on April 30th, which will be a new moon solar eclipse in Taurus, our sign. She said, “a new moon eclipse clips is usually a positive event, setting you off on a new path and bringing new opportunities. You have not seen eclipses in Taurus for nine years, and another one is due November 8th” and that one's going to be troublesome. So, like this one's good, so make your changes now. She said that a new moon usually means a fresh start, and Taurus likes predictability, but Uranus will bring surprises.

Alex: As he does.

Laura: But a friend is gonna be helpful, and it's gonna signal a new chapter. And then she said—and everybody take this one seriously—if somewhere, sometime around April 30th, if you get an invite near water, like on a boat or a yacht—accept. Because you will have quite a memorable evening in store for you. And I was like, I cannot wait to be invited on board a boat or a yacht.

Alex: Okay, this is very interesting.

Laura: Yeah, this is very interesting. I don't know.

Alex: I love when she gives a specific instruction.

Laura: Yeah, well I’m like, gosh, I would love to be invited on a boat or a yacht on April 30th.

Alex: Yeah.

Laura: Yeah. but not like the Titanic. Like one that sticks really close to the shore.

Alex: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't need to go on a long thing.

Laura: Like, I wouldn't do a cruise on an eclipse night. I just don’t think I would.

Alex: No, I think the time has passed for cruises.

Laura: But anyway, she said, “have as much fun as you like this month for Mars will remain in Pisces, your house of happiness, hopes, and wishes from April 14th until May 24th. Next month Mercury will be retrograde in Gemini, so it behooves you to act quickly in all plans this month, or just as favorably to delay until after June.” Like your contracts and your Botox. But she said, act with purpose in April, it holds so much promise for you, dear Taurus.

Alex: Are you excited?

za of happy expression coming:

Alex: It's gonna be so good.

Laura: I can't wait. A bonanza of happy expression. We'll see. Very exciting. Yeah. Oh, yeah so okay. So, we had to wait a long time for the horoscopes. At least they were positive. It was annoying to miss the new moon. At least we know that the new moon is the end of April and we've heard something about that, so that eclipse we have some information on. And so far Scorpio, Taurus, and Aries are set up for a great month, so I hope that continues for everyone.

or maybe even the Year Ahead:

Laura: Wow, what a time.

Alex: What a time. So, we have lots of information for you closer to May 1st.

Laura: Yeah, ok great. Well, thanks everybody for listening. and if you like this, please tell a friend. And if you have a hot take on Susan Miller's horoscopes, or how late she is with them, please email us at astrologyzoned@gmail.com, and you can hear the transcript, or read the transcript, for this episode at our website, astrologyzoned.com.

Alex: Yes, thank you so much for listening.

Laura: Yes, thank you. Bye!

Alex: Bye!

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About the Podcast

Astrology Zoned: A Susan Miller Fan Podcast
Susan Miller Reads The Stars. We Read Susan Miller.
Welcome to Astrology Zoned: A Susan Miller Fan Podcast! Laura von Holt (Taurus) and Alex Gershuny (Scorpio), superfans of Susan Miller and longtime readers of Astrology Zone, share their (non-professional) thoughts on astrology and the woman, the mystic, the oracle herself: Susan Miller. Each month Laura and Alex will break down their Astrology Zone horoscopes and discuss why Susan Miller’s combination of exciting predictions and practical advice causes them to return to her site month after month.

About your hosts

Laura von Holt

Profile picture for Laura von Holt
Laura von Holt is an author, entrepreneur, and creative coach. Her innovative personality and brand have been an inspiration to hundreds of artists living in NYC. She is well known for her speaking series “Don’t Quit Your Daydream!” and has been featured at SXSW & Seriesfest.

Laura is a captivating voice for women of all ages, and works as a coach to harness self-expression and goal setting, while battling the patriarchy and other oppressive forces, like self-doubt! Laura is an expert in the arena because she has followed a life of passion. Whether she is writing plays that earn her top marks in the New York Times, or wild romance novels (under the pen name Laura Lovely), she is a beacon to follow – which is easy to do because she leaves a trail of glitter behind her.

Laura is the host of The Mermaid Podcast and You're Doing Great. She is proud to be the world's foremost mermaid expert and your personal cheerleader. She writes romance novels as Laura Lovely.

Alex Gershuny

Profile picture for Alex Gershuny
Alex Gershuny has been a Susan Miller enthusiast for over fifteen years. She has a master’s degree in information and library science and most recently worked at an architecture firm. Before becoming a librarian, Alex worked for many years as an editor at an arts nonprofit. Aside from Susan Miller, some of Alex’s interests include art, baths, NY1, and musical theater.